| I havent posted in yeears! |
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| 11:09pm 10/02/2005 |
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mood:  shit music: Der sturmer needs to chill
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I just got fired, jordon is doing drugs in some hotel and im fucking depressed. There is only one solution. The final solution. Fuckingdeaf.
No one likes people who dont have jobs. Fortunately, i probably qualify for unemployment. Which i will spend entirely on lesiure suits and hookers....and jack deeeeeeeees.
Whore put your shoes on. |
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| Heres blackie robinson with the wheather... |
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| 02:24am 25/01/2005 |
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mood:  chipper music: Xasthur anra mnainu split sucks
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So i am watiching family guy with my freisdn nad had this conversaation: phil"i think you are supposed to poor that wine in a wine gflass" and then i said "i think you are supposed to poor it in your wine mourth!!@!!!!", dugh!
o vuoi. Your people fucked moors. |
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| And now this is going to happen.... |
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| 07:20pm 22/01/2005 |
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mood: cheerful music: Leviathan
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Lets see how many friends i have after i write this.
I hate HATE HATE Nazis.
I am in part portuguese, which means i am most likely in part jewish/african(morrocan)/persian and who knows whatthe fuck else. But i have done alot of research on it and i want to get rid of any people on my friends list who are nazi faggots. I hate you all and you deserve the auschwitz treatment. Die.
Love,
David Freitas |
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| I didnt know her as a person, but i did know her as a table... |
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| 05:49am 10/01/2005 |
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mood: Offensive music: Raunchous Brothers
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Looks like everyone else is asleep. Everyone everywhere all the time. I never sleep, and im really realising it. I wish i was tired. Even after a 40 and few other beers, im STILL listening to NSBM and looking at that graveland shirt i've wanted for my entire life. Maybe i DO need to fuck myself to death.
I have never written down a "Frequent playlist" because they are on everyones fucking journal every other day. But seeing as i spend all my freetime internetting....
Last few things i listened to:
10.Pantheon;vargstrike
9.Aryan Terrorism;way too much
8;Astroaes;Dying emotions domain
7;Your Shapeless Beauty;My swan song
6.Analcunt and raunchous brothers
5.Absurd split wiht pantheon
4.Ad Fucking Hominem bitches:ALL
3.Nelly song with that country music guy.
2.Moonblood:taste our german steel
1.Anything thats more kvlt and better than that faggoth bullshit you are listening to. I hate you.
But you know who i dont hate? This guy named brent. Im glad i pseudo met this guy and have someone to talk to about GBK shirts with at 5:30am.
I am fucking lonely. Theres some fags asleep on my couch, and its dark in here and im listening to songs about raping girls by the supposed master race. What a crock of shit. What uber-intelligent race has to coerce women into sleeping with them by physical force? No one mentioned to them that the norse vikings fucked everyone and anything, so none of them are pure of any blood now anyways. Fruitcakes. Mmm, fruitcake.
Hi alan. |
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| Macabre |
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| 09:43pm 09/01/2005 |
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mood:  drunk music: My roomates attempting to play blackmetal
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Fucking wierd.
Cassie pretty much just walked out for good. Its hard to fully realise that. Its hard to fully realise that im coming home to an empty bed for now on. Our shit is now somewhat condensed to my shit. I feel like im on arctic tundra. Walking endlessly, frozen and alone forever.
Honeslty though, things will be ok. I will return to having friends and go to parties and drink heavily. Times will be tough, times will be great. Its an adventure out there. Man i sound retarded. Oh man im about to drink som Camo Steel Ice. that can only be bad. i love 40's though.
I got your plane ticket right here baby. |
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| Yeah you! |
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| 09:10pm 07/01/2005 |
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mood:  c'monnnn music: Crimson curse, can you believe it?
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Hang out with me. |
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| Ohh cruddy. |
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| 08:14am 06/01/2005 |
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mood:  get a real flute! music: Ashen Light is fucking wierd
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So, heres what I do after depressing break-ups.
I buy creatine. I start riding my BMX everywhere. I eat healthy food. I get haircuts regularly, and shave regularly. I work better and harder. I go out and buy nice clothes. I become social.
And i just dont know how thats all supposed to make me feel better. I can see how its therapeutic to doll yourself up i guess, but its not like im doing all this stuff for anyone else, im just doing it because i freak out and think its the end of my life.
Although the being really social part is starting to sounds really awesome. Lately i have been feeling really great. Cassie is still here living with me, for a little while, so maybe its just been easier to let it go because i know she really doesnt want to leave. I know that we both love eachother, and its easier to make mutual agreements when your actually talking;)
Im trying to find cheaper health insurance, so i can quit my shitty job and get another easier, shitty job. One that isnt from 10pm-6am. Although i have been thinking about how awesome it would be to work at a morgue. Hmmm.
I know my last entries have been fucking rediculously emotional and depressing, but to be honest, things are looking up. Way up. Mainly because I realise that i cant just live on fast food and blackmetal and beer. I need other things like friendship and going to bars. And seriouly looking like that fag in simple plan (it works, really!).
Fucking snow already. If its going to be this fucking cold, it might as well be snowing. I Want a great reason to not go to work. Besides the one thats in my bed right now, if you know what i mean, HEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHhsdkjgh!!!!!! Ugh im bored. |
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| I got you flowers because.... |
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| 07:41am 02/01/2005 |
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mood:  timetravel music: Xasthur
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.....Maybe i dont "clinically" have a social anxeity problem, but when new years eve came, all i wanted was to spend it in bed watching a movie or maybe just going for a drive. I had an actual fear of being around a large number of people i dont know. This ruined the rest of my life.
Thus began the throwing of household objects like laundry baskets and 711 extreme gulp cups. Alot of false name were presented at eachother. Then we went our seperate ways, to see how drunk we could get, and to test our boundaries. Boy did we fuck up.
I came home this morning, knowing what happened. It was burning cold in my chest. Now i dont know what to do.
I watched Garden State....i cried through the entire movie. Just thought i would let you all know that there is one thing that can make me cry. And no it wasnt the movie.
I drove to work crying.
I worked and cried.
I feel worthless. But i feel like that just means i have a clean slate. I can admit that i cry, i can admit that i am not a robot. I can get a new job, i can have a relationship that doesnt involve infidelity and violence.
She is just a room away, sleeping. But it feel like shes 5000000 miles under the ocean. Will i ever get over this? I need help. I need someone to assure me that everything will be fine.
I need hate_for_all to write jokes about his sexual obsession with drugs.
I need her to be excited about the tampons i stole for her, and the beef jerky and the flowers. Help.
I would do anything to start that night over. I feel like im at the end scenes of donnie darko. I want to be in the end scenes of garden state. |
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| Shit |
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| 09:14pm 29/12/2004 |
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mood:  zombie music: Orcustus is alright
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Sometimes i wish that i had an excuse for being so hateful and scared of the outside world. Sometimes i wish i could explain, a little better, why everything i hear sounds even more retarded than the last thing you said. I wish the explanations didnt always sound like "because im better than you, duh". But the fact is, if we dont get along, and if i have just begun to hate you, it will only get worse.
I have made some huge mistakes in my life. I am realizing now that lessons learned are great, and are a huge part of my life-story, but some of them are going to be cutting my hands foreverrrr.
You know what i do? I make decisions without thinking. I go with my emotions and it gets me in trouble. I do whatever sounds like it will amp up my life story. But then i realize im just doing what i always do, over and again.
I cannot sleep. Not unless i drink first. Even then, i get about two hours sleep every night. Schizophrenia i assume. Yes, seriously. Matter of factly, it runs in my family and my probation officer is making me see a shrink next month because thats what she thinks is wrong with me also. Great. I can do lines of zoloft or whatever they give you. |
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| In the eyes of the children, we are all the same... |
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| 10:17am 18/12/2004 |
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mood: yahdoooood! music: Dont call me motherfucker, motherfucker!
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...exactly, the children. Cute.
Vodka is a great think. It turns music into intense emotion, and turns boring moments into a multiple choice action novel(god I miss those).
I went to look at kittens for my girlfriends winter gift, and one of them straight up clawed my mouth and must have hit a thick artery because i was gushing blood.
Other than that, i just want to say HELLLOOOO to my friends yoan and talam and Alan and jeremy. Sorry i havent been around, im still getting adjusted in my new place. I do miss you guys though. And other people...i had to make the list short because i am paying for interweb access and incredibly ZOG rate.
Speaking of, i am STILL wearing this ad hominem shirt. No one has been mad about it. The National alliance guy from my work gave me a really old NSDAP wehrmacht money/note. Its torn alot and a little faded, but its interesting to have because it goes well all the coins i have from that era. Its wierd holding those pieces of time in my hand and thinking of where that stuff has been.
I miss interweb access, i forgot how much of my "life" depended on it. Although i have been playing a great deal of Padora tomarrow on xbox, and schoolin everyone at halo and halo 2. Except phil. Two points fucker. Damnit! |
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| Backstreet boys... |
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| 01:32pm 05/12/2004 |
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mood:  !!!!!!!! music: Svarga
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Last night i realised that hardcore kids are just backstreet boys and nsync, but with tattoos. I also realised that alllll of seattle hates my guts.
Some guy came up to me, drunker than shit, and told me some story about Nargaroth.
"kanwulf is a fucking faggot, he like shot into the crowd and like told people they have to send him their like picture to get the discography to see if they like, were true enough". Im not sure if any of this is true, but i have no problem with either of these stories.
Either way, he started talking about how black metallers arent actually hard, even though they "try to act like they are". I dont know about you, but i dont think hardcore kids stab their ex-best friends, eat brain soup, burn churches, or shoot at their fans. I dont know whats tough about screaming about girls and animal rights and abstinance from drugs, although i am all for that shit, i think its kind of pussy.
Then he asked me if i thought i was hard, i could do nothing but laugh and walk in to the other room because i wanted nothing more than to be out of that party with him to kill him. He told me Jay-z is harder than kanwulf, and tried to explain why, but i was getting bored of his BS. So i sat in my car and waited for my girlfriend while listening to War 88 and thinking about how much i hate hardcore. More than anything.
Today i am moving into a basement room that has no windows. I also work from 10pm - 6am. I will never see the light of day. |
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| SHIIIIIT. |
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| 07:51pm 03/12/2004 |
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mood:  eatmyshit music: Dub buk
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Aha! I HATE PUSSY assholes. Sounds like an oxymoron.
I loathe fuckers who ride my slow-burzum mobiles ass, and THEN cut me off, and THEN flip me off for having a slow car. We got to the stop light, i got out of my car, pulled out my brass knuckles and knocked on their window yelling and spitting on their car. TWO fucking faggot guys with goatees wouldnt get out. TWO GUYS. If your going to have a goatee in the first place, prove that you are tough. Secondly....TWO GUYS. Why put up a front if your just going to sit in your car and not get out and fight? Why flip me off behing your window and drive off like a pussy? Because you have no fucking balls.
Venting.
Good thing i have Hateful blackmetal to help sooth my soul. |
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| peace, love, and blackmetal... |
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| 05:39pm 29/11/2004 |
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mood:  w how to pronounce it. music: Something elite and cold and grim, duh. You wouldnt even kno
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Fucking kicked out of blackmetal music community for good now. Im going to miss all the posts like:
"Have NE ov you doods heard of emporor"
"Does anyone know where i can get a Darkthrone shirt?"
"Lets all talk about how much we hate people that hate"
Not to mention that every post sounds like an advertisement for labels and bands.
I am FAR from a blackmetal elitist. I havent the slightest idea why they called me that, all i said was that i hate punk rocks, and choose not to support them. Does that make me a horrible person, or a poser? I really didnt think i would be alone with that notion, especially in a blackmetal community. I dont care that i cant post in that community anymore, i just cant stand how ignorant and arrogant those teenage faggots can be. And so fucking hypocritical.
Is it the music i listen to? What is it? Am i not mainstream enough? Does that make me a dickhole? Honestly, i think im a simple, honest, nice guy. FUUUCK.
I need to chill out about internet geeks.
You know what the best part is? When a guy says "qut generalizing, your just a fucking elitist who sits on the interweb all day making fun of people because your actually a big fag yourself". HA! |
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| Me=Mexican. |
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| 09:12pm 27/11/2004 |
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mood:  I am going to venusssss music: Europe, final countdown
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Last night i had to protect these two girls who were being followed by some internet stalker. Uh, yeah. Seriously, this guy was fucking creepy. Just imagine Eminem without front teeth, and even more introverted oreo than ever. But, to my luck, he was afraid of me and actually took off when i pulled out my brass knuckles in the parking lot. I took an hour break and drank beers with those girls and then wentt back to work.
My National alliance co-worker ordered me those fucking Aryan wear boots. In this order: "What size boot do you wear?", next day:"heres the printed receipt for the boots i ordered you". So apparently i will have those boots in a few days.
Also, apparently my billion albums and a really great shirt are getting sent to me by my friend in new york. I feel like nothing could be better in my life.
My girlfriend really does look like ashleigh simpson, what the fuck? She told me that portuguese and spanish people are the same people as the aztecans because they speak the same language. Europe=mexico.
I went to that fucking Kult ov azazel show, which seemed alright. I got two compliments on my der sturmer shirt, but that was the only interaction with anyone that i got. I really wanted to talk to the guys behind me because one had a zyklon b shirt, and another guy had a hoodie that said "skinhead blackmetal". What band could that have been? Sounds familiar.
Should i get that graveland hoodie? |
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| Gooood movie |
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| 06:02pm 20/11/2004 |
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mood:  Insert here music: Xasthur-Nocturnal poisoning
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Have you seen "The Believer?" Its an awesome, moving movie. It even has one of my favorite LJ friends as the main character! |
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| Glory to the dark. |
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| 07:02am 15/11/2004 |
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mood: Asian music: Judas Iscariot, heaven in flames.
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Wellll,....
I went to a bar a couple nights ago with my girlfriend, and noticed there were two tuff guy Hardcore kids staring me down. My girlfriend told me they were hot, and i told her they want to fight me.
So, she drinks both of our drinks and we head to a bar down the street, where those same fucking guys are, again. She goes up to the restroom, only to be stopped by the backstreet boy hardcore fags, and they say "hey, is that your nazi boyfriend in the burzum shirt?" Fucking apes. She explains to them that Burzum is fucking good and that you cant just start shit with people just because of the music they listen to. What douchebags. Then it figured they were just trying to hook up with her.
While she was up talking to her new friends, i met some portuguese girl, and we talked about how our families are incredibly racist, and about our ancient Celtiberian ancestry, it was fucking awesome. Then her boyfriend showed up and i realised my girlfriend was still talking to those guys so we got in this huge argument for like 5 hours and broke up a few times. Healthy shit i tell yas. But things are seemingly ok now, wierd but ok. She is in las vegas on vacation and i am on vacation on the computer, waiting to play more halo fucking 2 when my friend gets offa work.
Dear Ad Hominem shirt,....I am going to leave my girlfriend and quit my job for you because you are fucking hot shit!
Dear Alan, thanks for introducing me to Ad Hominem shirt. |
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| brbjklolm |
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| 05:45am 10/11/2004 |
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mood:  fff music: kotex fits, always
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I changed my email address and my AIM screen name. And i quoted talam on my info page. |
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blutkrieg's journal
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